Jeep & Bourbon Chapter 20 #CelebrateBlogging
Chapter 20: My hunches are always right!
I'm feeling guilty.
My conscience has been crushed to bits.
I read books late into the night, searching for mental peace
between those lines, looking for a verbal salve
to my wounds but to no avail. In the night I've cried rivers at my
bedside table and yet the table lamp cannot beat the darkness that's set inside
me. In the pit of my stomach I
constantly feel a churning of emotions. Every time I raise my eyes to look at
Shekhar, they are welling up with more tears of anguish, in apology and they
fall down again in shame but the man continues as if he's not noticed. This
pains me even more. If he'd lashed out at me, I'd have felt a little less like a
murderer,a little more human in my errors.
I've been reading the 'Asura' by Ananda Neelakantan and I
haven't gone beyond the fifth chapter. I've been crying again. Sheku with all
his flaws still stands as the complete man. And I feel like I am the female Ravana of sorts, in Sheku's story, the
one with all the nine emotions in an overdrive. So much that the extremes of
the emotions have taken an evil turn.
I've never been able
to harness my anger. My temper has always gotten the better of me, ruining our
relationship to a great extent. My pride about running the show and being the
bread-earner of the house has definitely punctured Sheku's ego but it has also
clearly broken the man. Jealousy for the perfect lives that my colleagues enjoy
has been vented at home, time and again. I've only poisoned the atmosphere at
home, worsening the situation rather than contributing to building a happy
family.
To be happy one has to stop being unhappy. I haven't. I have
never tried to hit a balance between sadness and happiness. I am afraid, very
afraid of where our future is going. This anxiousness has killed my spirit for
life. I've been selfish too. Thinking only about myself, about what Sheku has
not been able to give me. My ambitions have always been running amuck. I have
let it drive me mad bordering at a murderous frenzy.
The next chapter in the book is titled 'Devil's Raid' and I
think that's exactly what has happened at the beach, between me and Jeremy. I
cannot bring myself to accept that I indulged in that evil act, was an equal
party to that ugly scene, in fact I triggered it. It is never going to be
buried under the sand. The irresponsible and mindless cavorting remains
tattooed on my forehead, the main head of the Dasamukha- the multifaceted cheating wife, in this case.
“No matter how far you have
gone on a wrong road, turn back.” say's my inner voice.
I have been a disappointment, not only for Sheku but also to
myself. And perhaps to Jenny as well.
"..but this will not continue! It was all my doing and
only I can set things right. There
has got to be a victory of the good over evil!" I am thinking aloud, determined.
Jenny has arrived. And so has that highly doubtable Bawa. I cannot bring myself to
pronounce his name. I have always loved the people of his community. And I have
many as close friends from different walks of life. All genuine people,
extremely warm and helping though a bit eccentric at times but never have I
felt so strongly against any of them. This particular Cyrus Daruwala is
annoying to the core. I can smell it, he's a pseudomaniac! I am going to speak
to Jenny about him. I will have to muster all my strength. I will not be able
to think straight and get around this Parsi puzzle until I confess and ask for
pardon from Jenny.
"Jenny?" I knock on the door to the spare room.
I've cleared all the laundry and the riffraff from that room and tidied it up
for her to stay comfortably, for as many days as she'd like. Shekhar has
specified to Cyrus that he will be putting up at Ahuja's bachelor pad which is
definitely very POSH to be called just that.
" Tara!" she hollers in reply, "I'll be out
in just a minute."
With her hair wrapped in a checkered cotton towel and piled
in a knot at the back of her nape, Jenny walks out into the hall, where I've
been waiting with a hot cup of Filter
Kapi. Kochi has brought a lot of changes in her taste and choice of words.
Jenny has thoughtfully brought another Barbie, dressed like a Southern Belle, for Roohi. Roohi is overjoyed to receive a surprise gift. Tearing at the gift wrap, Roohi runs off with her new doll, to show it to her friends.
Jennifer and I are left to ourselves. Jenny looks happy, sitting by our bay window, sipping at her coffee, looking very contented. And there is no sign of disquiet between us.
Jennifer and I are left to ourselves. Jenny looks happy, sitting by our bay window, sipping at her coffee, looking very contented. And there is no sign of disquiet between us.
"So does she not know a thing about the happenings from
the other night? " I wonder.
"Where is Jeremy? He has left without a word but surely
everything is OK between them, by the looks of it. Absolutely no sign of
despair, there."Studying Jenny's face has not given me answers but has
left me with more questions instead.
"So is there
something between you and Cyrus, now?" I hear myself asking Jenny, cutting
straight to the point. It's always been like that! I never was and never will
be able to beat around the bush, with her.
She sputters on the last sip of coffee and I have to thump
her back, to settle her down again. Jenny is enjoying a hearty laugh at my
questioning. Apparently, I've asked her an absurd question, "Or is that
laughter just to veil a deeper pain? " I think to myself.
"NO!" she says, "…but there's definitely
going to be a lot between me and Aryan Ahuja!" Jenny answers in a
sing-song manner. She's clearly in a very good mood and so I avoid bringing up
the topic of the beach-side, from that horrible night.
"Hey, how the hell do Cyrus Daruwala and Aryan Ahuja
know each other?" I begin to dig. "Isn't it too much of a
co-incidence that Cyrus strikes a friendship with our new neighbour and should be
travelling in the very same train compartment as me and Shekhar, all within a
span of 3 months' time?" My pitch has risen a tad bit, bordering at
anxiety but Jenny seems unperturbed.
" Oh! Come on, Tara what's wrong with you?" she
retorts, "The world is such a small place. And isn't it a lovely
co-incidence? Cyrus knowing Aryan Ahuja, has given me a chance to get to a
Super-Model!" she squeals, in excitement, picking up her camera once again
and peering through the view-finder. Click! She's at it again.
"Jennifer has completely missed the point", I
think, slightly irritated.
"..but what’s in it for Cyrus? Why did he come all the
way, tagging along with you with that broken leg?" I pursue, trying to
drive my point in. " He could have simply put in a word for you and that's
that! You would be fine visiting us on your own and seeing Aryan Ahuja, at the
side. BONUS!" I said teasingly.
It was just a momentary thinking pause before, Jenny
pooh-poohed my doubts saying, " Oh! He has taken a liking to Shekhar and thinks
he owed him a visit. After all he was the one to have landed him in a
soup!"
"..Oh! By the way, did I miss out on a lot from the
night at the beach? Why did Cyrus and Shekhar just drive off with the Jeep
without informing us? If it was ready for the road, we could have all gotten in
and traveled down to my home in Kochi. It would have been more comfortable and
in fact, we would have definitely had a great time there!" Jenny has
finally asked THE question.
"Even Jeremy's
disappeared. Do you know WHY? " There, Jenny has dropped the final bomb of
a question.
" Yes, there's in fact a lot that happened that night,
Jen." I can feel her eyes scouring my face. " ..between Jeremy and
me."
I cannot bring myself
to look into her eyes. My voice shakes and I'm trembling, tears welling up in
my eyes again. Before I can continue with the story, she's read it in my face.
Jenny cradles my chin with her tall fingers and plants a kiss on my temple.
" I should have guessed it! I can say, I almost did but
I was waiting for you to tell me. I was sure you would at the right time."
With that Jenny has given me a tight hug, the same old hug with the same
warmth, for the same length of time. There's nothing that can change the
friendship between us. She's a God-gifted sister that my mother forgot to give
me.
"So now there's one person lesser to make amends
with." I think and heave a sigh of relief.
"Now it's time
that this mystery called Cyrus Daruwala unravels."
I collect my thoughts between all the excitement, of a rejuvenated
relationship.
"My hunches are almost always right. There's something
so wrong with the way this guy made a creepy entry into our life and the string
of episodes that have followed, ever since." I know I'm sounding like I mean business,
this time.
Read the next Chapter 21: Closing In by Veturi Sarma
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